Let’s be honest for a second—you and I both know screenshots are the new bookmarks. If something makes us laugh a little too hard, feels painfully relatable, or perfectly captures our mood at 2 a.m., boom—screenshot. In this post, we’ve put together 70 Funny Quotes That Are Screenshot-Worthy.
No fluff. No awkward gaps between quotes. Just humor, relatability, and lines you’ll want to save immediately.
Relatable Life Quotes
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
“My life needs editing.” — Unknown
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” — Bill Watterson
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas Edison
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Unknown
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Unknown
“Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.” — Unknown
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” — Oscar Wilde
“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.” — Unknown
“Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” — Al McGuire
Coffee & Chaos Energy
“But first, coffee.” — Unknown
“Coffee is a language in itself.” — Jackie Chan
“Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee.” — Unknown
“I like my coffee how I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” — Unknown
“Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” — Justina Chen
“Sleep is my love language.” — Unknown
“Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?” — Unknown
“I dream of a world where chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.” — Unknown
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” — Unknown
“Running on caffeine and chaos.” — Unknown
“Decaf? No thanks. I’m not a quitter.” — Unknown
“I wake up with good intentions and a questionable attitude.” — Unknown
Savage & Sassy One-Liners
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” — Douglas Adams
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” — Alan Dundes
“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.” — Unknown
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain
“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” — Unknown
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” — Unknown
“Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey
“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” — Unknown
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.” — Voltaire
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.” — W. C. Fields
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.” — Unknown
Money, Work & Adulting
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” — Douglas Adams
“The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you’re on the job.” — Slappy White
“I am not lazy, I am on energy-saving mode.” — Unknown
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” — Oscar Wilde
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls.” — Thomas Edison
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream.” — Unknown
“I survived another meeting that should’ve been an email.” — Unknown
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” — Don Marquis
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs.” — Joe Girard
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.” — Unknown
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.” — Charlie McCarthy
Pure Screenshot Gold
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” — Mark Twain
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” — Groucho Marx
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” — Will Rogers
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” — Phyllis Diller
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” — Mark Twain
“When in doubt, look intelligent.” — Garrison Keillor
“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” — Ann Landers
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” — Mark Twain
“People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” — Mike Bechtle
“All generalizations are false, including this one.” — Mark Twain
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” — Groucho Marx
“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.” — Allen Saunders
“I am not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Woody Allen
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” — Albert Einstein
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” — Will Rogers
“Smile, it confuses people.” — Unknown
Final Thoughts: Go Ahead—Screenshot This Feeling
Funny quotes work because they say what we’re all thinking but don’t always know how to phrase. They’re comfort, comedy, and connection wrapped in one neat sentence. And we’ve come to the end of our collection of 70 Funny Quotes That Are Screenshot-Worthy.
Screenshot the quote that you laugh at, share them, pin them for later, so that you can visit whenever you need a laugh
And remember—if a quote made you laugh, you’re not alone. Someone else out there is screenshotting the same thing.
