Let’s get real- we always have to get advice some way or another, and some ends up being good, and some are really terrrible while some are so hilariously bad that you get to laugh. If you ever received guidance that made you laugh, this list is for you. In this, we’ve gathered 60 Funny Quotes That Sound Like Bad Life Advice.
Let’s dive in!
Funny Quotes That Make You Question Everything
“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” – Steven Wright
“Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.” – Elbert Hubbard
“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman
“Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you. Or tolerating you.” – Unknown
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Steven Wright
“Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.” – Unknown
“Always remember that you are unique… just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
“If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.” – Jim Eason
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” – Steven Wright
“Don’t worry about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” – George Carlin
Hilariously Terrible Advice
“Eat cake. Life’s too short for salads.” – Unknown
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.” – Derek Bok
“Always give 100% — except when donating blood.” – Bill Murray
“Don’t take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.” – Elbert Hubbard
“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.” – Clint Eastwood
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
“Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.” – Unknown
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.” – Unknown
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray
“If life gives you lemons, wait for someone with tequila and salt.” – Unknown
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
“A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.” – Unknown
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright
Advice You Should Definitely Not Follow
“Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.” – George Bernard Shaw
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Woody Allen
“It could be that your purpose in life is only to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“Always remember: You’re unique… just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
“Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.” – George Carlin
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” – Unknown
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
“If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can’t buy, like unpaid bills.” – Unknown
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
“Always remember: You’re special… just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
The Funniest Life Advice You’ll Never Follow
“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.” – Winston Churchill
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.” – Derek Bok
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde
“If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.” – Mario Andretti
“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you to.” – Unknown
“The trouble with some people is that they prefer the illusion of honesty to the reality of happiness.” – Unknown
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and barefoot.” – Billy Connolly
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.” – Douglas Adams
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” – Ann Landers
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
Final Thoughts!
Funny quotes that sound like bad life advice are not just a source of laughs—they’re a reminder that sometimes, taking life too seriously is the real mistake. This is the end of our collection of 60 Funny Quotes That Sound Like Bad Life Advice.
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Remember: not all advice is good advice, and sometimes, the worst advice makes the best stories.
