If we ever have a Christmas that is filled with negative emotions and sad stories, it won’t be a great holiday. But Christmas is indeed a days where we all feel connected and happy, on top of it, we enjoy the festive, hungry of tasty dishes, chaotic moments of it. In this blog, we’ve gathered 75 Funny Christmas Quotes that will make you and your loved ones laugh.
Let’s dive in—ho-ho-ho style.
Funny Christmas Quotes About Holiday Chaos
“Christmas is a magical season… but so is waking up on March 1st and realizing your tree is still up.” — (Unknown)
“My Christmas spirit starts strong… then the wrapping paper fights back.” — (Unknown)
“I love Christmas. I just wish it wasn’t right in the middle of the busiest month of the year.” — (Unknown)
“Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.” — (Unknown)
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” — (Unknown)
“I love Christmas, but I also love when it’s over so I can stop pretending to be jolly.” — (Unknown)
“Dear Santa, define ‘naughty.’” — (Unknown)
“I put so much wrapping paper on this gift that not even I know what’s inside anymore.” — (Unknown)
“Christmas is all about peace, love, and trying not to yell at your family in front of the guests.” — (Unknown)
“The true Christmas magic is realizing Amazon Prime saved your life again.” — (Unknown)
Funny Christmas Quotes About Santa
“Santa Claus has the right idea—visit people once a year.” — Victor Borge
“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home. Also, Santa is watching.” — (Unknown)
“I believe in Santa. I also believe he should start outsourcing.” — (Unknown)
“Santa, I’ll agree to cookies… if you agree to cancel my credit card bill.” — (Unknown)
“Dear Santa, this year please send help. Or money. Preferably money.” — (Unknown)
“Santa Claus wears a red suit, has a long beard, and only works one day a year. He sounds like he’s living the dream.” — (Unknown)
“I told Santa you were good this year… he laughed.” — (Unknown)
“Santa is proof that adults can love milk and cookies too.” — (Unknown)
“I don’t need to be on Santa’s nice list. I’m on the ‘she tried’ list.” — (Unknown)
“I try to be good, but I take after Santa—jolly, round, and full of snacks.” — (Unknown)
Funny Christmas Quotes About Family Gatherings
“My family’s Christmas gift exchange is basically: Who can regift the fastest?” — (Unknown)
“Christmas calories don’t count. Family drama absolutely does.” — (Unknown)
“The best part of Christmas with family is leaving with enough leftovers for a week.” — (Unknown)
“Christmas: when your relatives ask if you’re still single like it’s breaking news.” — (Unknown)
“Nothing says holiday spirit like 20 people talking at once.” — (Unknown)
“Family: We may not have it all together, but at Christmas we definitely eat together.” — (Unknown)
“Christmas with family: where the Wi-Fi is suddenly too weak, but the opinions are too strong.” — (Unknown)
“My family is like the Christmas lights—half of them don’t work and the other half are overly bright.” — (Unknown)
“The holiday rule: Whoever cooks doesn’t have to deal with the guests.” — (Unknown)
“My family celebrates peacefully… by ignoring anything controversial for 24 hours.” — (Unknown)
Funny Christmas Quotes About Gifts
“The best Christmas gift is being able to say, ‘I actually like this.’” — (Unknown)
“Wrapping presents should be an extreme sport.” — (Unknown)
“I love giving gifts. I just don’t love the part where I have to pay for them.” — (Unknown)
“Nothing says Christmas like pretending you didn’t see the gift receipt inside the box.” — (Unknown)
“I bought my family thoughtful gifts… they bought me socks.” — (Unknown)
“My wallet is recovering from Black Friday just in time for Christmas to finish it off.” — (Unknown)
“Christmas shopping: 40% joy, 60% bad decisions.” — (Unknown)
“I don’t need Santa. I have Amazon.” — (Unknown)
“Please accept this gift as a token of my bad budgeting.” — (Unknown)
“If you get a gift from me, just know I suffered emotionally and financially.” — (Unknown)
Funny Christmas Quotes for Social Media Captions
“Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.” — (Unknown)
“All I want for Christmas is food. Lots of food.” — (Unknown)
“Current status: Wrapped up like a human burrito.” — (Unknown)
“What do you mean Christmas isn’t a competition? Watch me.” — (Unknown)
“If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a storm. But for now, enjoy this selfie.” — (Unknown)
“Merry Christmas! May your Wi-Fi be strong and your relatives be chill.” — (Unknown)
“Festive? More like stressed-tive.” — (Unknown)
“This Christmas, I’m on the nice-ish list.” — (Unknown)
“Holiday cheer level: questionable.” — (Unknown)
“The tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this year.” — (Unknown)
Classic Celebrity Funny Christmas Quotes
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day.” — Andy Rooney
“Oh, for the good old days when people stopped Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.” — Anonymous
“The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know… the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
“Nothing says holidays like eating leftovers for two weeks straight.” — (Unknown)
“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” — Joan Rivers
“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy.’” — Robert Paul
Relatable Funny Christmas Quotes About Food
“Christmas calories don’t count. The scale is on vacation.” — (Unknown)
“My Christmas diet: cookies, candy canes, and emotional support snacks.” — (Unknown)
“I’m only jolly after snacks.” — (Unknown)
“I’m just here for the Christmas cookies.” — (Unknown)
“Holiday tip: If you can’t find me, I’m near the dessert table.” — (Unknown)
“Feast mode: activated.” — (Unknown)
“I love Christmas. Mostly for the mashed potatoes.” — (Unknown)
“Eat, drink, and be merry… in that order.” — (Unknown)
“I want to bake cookies and watch Christmas movies… but mostly eat the cookies.” — (Unknown)
“If Christmas had a flavor, it would definitely be ‘second helping.’” — (Unknown)
Funny Christmas Quotes for a Great Holiday Mood
“The best part of Christmas is watching everyone pretend they’re not tired.” — (Unknown)
“My Christmas wish list: naps, peace, and a holiday miracle called ‘no dishes.’” — (Unknown)
“I love the Christmas spirit. I just wish it lasted longer than my paycheck.” — (Unknown)
“The magic of Christmas is real… and so is the chaos.” — (Unknown)
“Merry Christmas! May your day be filled with joy, cookies, and no unexpected guests.” — (Unknown)
Final Thoughts
That’s the wrap-up of our collection of 75 Funny Christmas Quotes. And I hope you found some of your favorites from the collection, so don’t forget to share them on social media, holiday cards, or use them to icebreak at the family gatherings.
Wishing you a holiday full of joy, cookies, and lots of laughs!
