Christmas is one of those moments that comes every year to bring out the chaos, messiness, overjoyed, and emotional moments at the same time. It’s a special day when your house smells like a palace, your wallet cries softly, and you’re forced to act happy about the gifts you did not ask for. In this post, we’ve gathered 50 hilarious Christmas quotes you need to read.
Let’s sleigh this holiday mood together.
Funny Christmas Quotes About Family
“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” —Phyllis Diller
“The smells of Christmas are the smells of childhood.” —Richard Paul Evans
“My family’s Christmas goal is simple: survive each other.” —Original
“Christmas with family: 20% love, 80% pretending not to be annoyed.” —Original
“Nothing says holiday spirit like three generations arguing over the thermostat.” —Original
“My family loves Christmas. Mostly because it’s the only time we all pretend we’re normal.” —Original
“Home for Christmas… because apparently disappearing is ‘rude.’” —Original
“Family gatherings: where you learn patience, resilience, and how to quietly eat cookies in the corner.” —Original
“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” —Erma Bombeck
“Christmas: the yearly reminder that your relatives still don’t understand your life choices.” —Original
Funny Christmas Quotes About Gifts
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day.” —Andy Rooney
“My favorite part of Christmas? Pretending I love the gifts I clearly didn’t want.” —Original
“Nothing says Christmas like buying gifts with money you don’t have for people who won’t use them.” —Original
“The best Christmas gift is being financially irresponsible in the name of love.” —Original
“If you want to know what someone wants for Christmas, check what they didn’t use last year.” —Original
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm.” —Garrison Keillor
“I love Christmas shopping… said no broke person ever.” —Original
“Wrapping gifts is fun until you realize the tape is missing and your sanity goes with it.” —Original
“Yes, I bought myself gifts. Yes, I wrapped them.” —Original
“Christmas shopping is just cardio with receipts.” —Original
Funny Christmas Quotes About Food
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to a department store and he asked for my autograph.” —Shirley Temple
“Christmas food is basically: eat breakfast, eat snacks, eat lunch, eat dessert, think about dinner, eat again.” —Original
“I love Christmas dinner. It’s the only meal where it’s socially acceptable to eat like a medieval king.” —Original
“Calories? Never heard of her. It’s Christmas.” —Original
“My favorite Christmas tradition? Eating until I can’t move.” —Original
“Fruitcake is like the passive-aggressive relative of Christmas food.” —Original
“I don’t need Christmas cheer. I need Christmas cookies.” —Original
“The best Christmas gift is leftovers.” —Original
“Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.” —Mo Rocca
“If eating was an Olympic sport, Christmas would be my gold medal moment.” —Original
Funny Christmas Quotes About Santa
“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just wish Santa would remember adults need gifts too.” —Original
“Dear Santa, define ‘good.’ It’s been a year.” —Original
“I believe in Santa. I also believe he should pay my bills.” —Original
“Santa sees you when you’re sleeping, which sounds less cute and more like a Netflix documentary.” —Original
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note saying, ‘Toys not included.’” —Bernard Manning
“Santa, if you’re reading this, I can explain… but it might take a while.” —Original
“I’m not saying I’m on the naughty list… but nobody’s perfect.” —Original
“Santa must love cardio. Imagine delivering to 7 billion people in one night.” —Original
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” —Victor Borge
“The real Santa is the person who pays for all the gifts: me.” —Original
Hilarious Christmas Quotes About Holiday Chaos
“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.” —Bob Hope
“Christmas is 10% joy and 90% trying to find where you hid the gifts.” —Original
“Holiday spirit? Oh, you mean stress with extra glitter.” —Original
“Putting up Christmas lights: 5 minutes of excitement, 2 hours of untangling.” —Original
“The real Christmas miracle is assembling toys without crying.” —Original
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” —Larry Wilde
“Christmas is basically a marathon where the finish line is a nap.” —Original
“Holiday chaos is just festive energy in disguise.” —Original
“Every year I convince myself Christmas will be calm. Every year I lie.” —Original
“If Christmas had a soundtrack, it would be laughter, yelling, and someone dropping an ornament.” —Original
Wrapping It Up
Congratulations if you have made it this far! Now you have a collection of hilarious quotes to use in your Christmas cards: group chats, Instagram captions, and more.
That’s the wrap-up of our collection of 50 hilarious Christmas quotes to read
Don’t forget to explore other posts about Christmas and more!
