Let’s real – laughter is the best free therapy we can get, and sometimes we all need some hilarious quote to turn our day around. If you’re looking for some funny observations, some witty one-liners, or just silly quotes, you’ve entered the right place! In this blog, we’ve collected 65 funny quotes that will make you laugh out loud.
So, grab your coffee, sit back, and get ready to giggle!
65 Funny Quotes That Will Make You Laugh
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Buñuel
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edgar Bergen
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
“My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.” – Unknown
“Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.” – Unknown
“Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops.” – Unknown
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
Funny Quotes About Getting Older
“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” – Jennifer Yane
“At my age, ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for.” – Unknown
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
“The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.” – Betty White
“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” – Bob Hope
“My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.” – Unknown
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombeck
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.” – Unknown
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” – Unknown
“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” – Ernestine Ulmer
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” – Unknown
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
More Laugh-Out-Loud Quotes
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing (Friends)
“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott (The Office)
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“I am on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
“Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” – Unknown
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
“We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.” – Bryan White
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman
The Last Batch of Belly Laughs
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” – Steven Wright
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
“I always arrive late to parties so I can leave early.” – Jarod Kintz
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” – Bette Reese
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
Final Thoughts
Silly quotes are indeed some of the best ones to brighten our day. Well, that’s the end of our collection of 65 funny quotes that will make you laugh out loud. Life is better when we find something to smile about for the day, so keep laughing!
Which of these quotes was your favorite? Share it with someone who needs a giggle today!
