Have you ever had a moment where you just find it funny and laugh out loud, but it doesn’t make sense at all?. Life is confusing enough, so why shouldn’t our humor be? From completely illogical statements to absurd observations, some quotes are just
too funny. In this post, we have collected 75 funny quotes that make no sense for you to share.
Don’t forget to get yourself a cup of coffee and read till the end!
Absurdly Random Quotes
These quotes might leave you scratching your head, but they’ll also have you snorting with laughter. Sometimes randomness is the key to comedy.
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” — Anonymous
“I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.” — Anonymous
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.” — Anonymous
“I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.” — Anonymous
“Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday?” — Anonymous
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right… badly.” — Anonymous
“I have a photographic memory. I just haven’t developed it yet.” — Anonymous
“If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?” — Anonymous
“I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode.” — Anonymous
Now More On This
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Anonymous
“I dream of a better world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.” — Anonymous
“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a ‘cell’ phone.” — Anonymous
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” — Steven Wright
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.” — Anonymous
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” — Anonymous
“If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” — Anonymous
“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” — Anonymous
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” — Anonymous
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something.” — Anonymous
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” — Anonymous
“I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.” — Anonymous
“I would like to help you out… which way did you come in?” — Anonymous
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
Wacky Observations
These are quotes that make a point… or maybe they don’t. Either way, they’re too funny to ignore.
“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” — Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
“I intend to live forever, or die trying.” — Anonymous
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” — Charles Bukowski
“I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” — Anonymous
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… not screaming and terrified like the passengers in his car.” — Anonymous
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” — Anonymous
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Anonymous
“I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.” — Anonymous
“I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He said to stop going to those places.” — Henny Youngman
“If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?” — Anonymous
“I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.” — Anonymous
“I am on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Anonymous
“I can resist everything except temptation.” — Oscar Wilde
Now More On This
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.” — Anonymous
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” — Charlie Chaplin
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.” — Anonymous
“I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.” — Anonymous
“I am not weird. I am limited edition.” — Anonymous
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!” — Anonymous
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” — Benjamin Franklin
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Anonymous
“I dance because there’s no guarantee the world won’t end mid-step.” — Anonymous
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” — Steven Wright
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
Hilariously Nonsensical Quotes
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!” — Anonymous
“I like to think outside the box, but sometimes the box is just more comfortable.” — Anonymous
“I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.” — Anonymous
“I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.” — Anonymous
“I would agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” — Russell Lynes
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” — Anonymous
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
“I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without their motives being questioned.” — Anonymous
“I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just in a committed relationship.” — Anonymous
“I’m not lazy. I’m just on my energy-saving mode.” — Anonymous
“I like to hold hands at the movies… which always ends badly with popcorn.” — Anonymous
“I would lose weight, but I hate losing.” — Anonymous
“I am on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.” — Anonymous
Now More On This
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis
“I put my life on hold while I reorganized my sock drawer.” — Anonymous
“I used to think I was indecisive… now I’m not sure.” — Anonymous
“I plan to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
“I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.” — Anonymous
“I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.” — Anonymous
“I like my coffee black and my mornings bright.” — Anonymous
“I am on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.” — Anonymous
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s still texting me.” — Anonymous
“I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than most people.” — Anonymous
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” — Steven Wright
“I like long walks… especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” — Anonymous
Final Thoughts
I hope these funny quotes don’t make sense to you at all. And don’t forget that laughter doesn’t need logic. This is the end of our collection of 75 funny quotes that make no sense, and this collection is the proof that humor thrives in randomness.
Whether you’re sharing these with friends, posting them on social media, or just keeping them in your back pocket for a rainy day, remember: funny doesn’t have to be sensible. Life is chaotic, and so are these quotes—and that’s exactly what makes them perfect.
