Life is indeed a mysterious thing that often hits us with reality a little too hard, and the best thing we can do to fight it is humor. We all know that life isn’t meant to be a pleasure ride; it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. If you’re one of those people who thinks that we’re figuring out kind, then read our collection of 75 funny quotes about life that hurt. And share with someone
Don’t forget to get yourself a coffee and read til the end.
25 Funny Quotes About Life That Hurt (Brutally Honest)
“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise, and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, The Office
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
“My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.” — Unknown
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” — Douglas Adams
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Mallory Hopkins
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
“I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.” — Unknown
“Some days, I amaze myself. Other days, I put my keys in the fridge.” — Unknown
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing, Friends
“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” — Billie Burke
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” — Unknown
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
“Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.” — Unknown
“I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.” — Unknown
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers
“If life gives you lemons, wait for a tequila.” — Unknown
“I want to live forever, but so far I’m doing fine.” — Unknown
“Life is like photography… you use the negatives to develop.” — Unknown
“When nothing goes right… go left.” — Unknown
“My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.” — Unknown
“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.” — Unknown
“Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver.” — Unknown
“The best things in life are actually really expensive.” — Unknown
“Life is short. Buy the shoes, eat the cake, take the trip.” — Unknown
25 Sarcastic Quotes About Life That Hurt (But Are So True)
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” — Benjamin Franklin (paraphrased)
“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.” — Unknown
“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
“If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” — Unknown
“I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.” — Unknown
“Money talks…but all mine says is goodbye.” — Unknown
“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.” — Unknown
“If Monday had a face, I would punch it.” — Unknown
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” — Katharine Hepburn
“I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Unknown
“I can resist everything except temptation.” — Oscar Wilde
“Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.” — Unknown
“The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.” — Unknown
“Life is like a box of chocolates. Mostly, you get the weird ones nobody wants.” — Unknown
“I am multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.” — Unknown
“Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my laundry in the fridge.” — Unknown
“Life is a journey… and mine’s in the slow lane.” — Unknown
“If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” — Johnny Carson
“We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.” — Unknown
“Life is a soup, and I’m a fork.” — Unknown
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas Edison
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Tommy Cooper
“Life is short… smile while you still have teeth.” — Unknown
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” — Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
25 Relatable Quotes About Life That Hurt (In a Funny Way)
“Adulting is soup, and I am a fork.” — Unknown
“I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.” — Unknown
“Some days, I just want to roll under the bed and pretend the world doesn’t exist.” — Unknown
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Unknown
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” — Unknown
“If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.” — Earl Wilson
“I’m not shy. I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.” — Unknown
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire
“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” — Unknown
“My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.” — Unknown
“Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but at least you scream.” — Unknown
“I am on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.” — Unknown
“We all have that one friend who, when they leave, you feel empty… like your phone battery.” — Unknown
“Life is short… so am I.” — Unknown
“Sometimes I shock myself with the smart things I say… and then immediately regret it.” — Unknown
“Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is 100%.” — R.D. Laing
“I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.” — Unknown
“If life were easy, it would be boring.” — Unknown
“Life is like a camera: focus on the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, take another shot.” — Ziad K. Abdelnour
“The best things in life are free. The second-best are very expensive.” — Coco Chanel
“Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually, you die.” — Unknown
“Some days, I drink coffee for your protection.” — Unknown
“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll do it for you.” — Unknown
“We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.” — Unknown
“Life doesn’t give you what you want. It gives you what you deserve… or sometimes just bills.” — Unknown
Final Thoughts
Life can get tough, and sometimes we feel like the universe has it in for us and others. Funny quotes about life that hurt give us permission to laugh at the chaos and find a little joy even in the struggle. That’s the end of our collection of 75 funny quotes about life that hurt.
So go ahead—share your favorites, tag a friend who needs a laugh, and remember: life hurts, but it’s also funny at times.
