Let’s be honest — sometimes we all come across quotes that perfectly define us or are related to our situations. And we often say this is true. For this blog, we’ve curated 70 funny true quotes that are way too real. Whether it’s about work, relationships, life, or adulting, these quotes will surely be funny and hit hard at the same time.
Let’s be honest!
Life Is Hard. Laugh Anyway.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins
“The best things in life are actually really expensive.” – Unknown
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.” – Unknown
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.” – Unknown
“Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.” – Unknown
Work, Coffee & Capitalism Chaos
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edgar Bergen
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” – Douglas Adams
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” – Sarah Brown
“I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.” – Unknown
“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
“Monday is proof that we survived the weekend but weren’t rewarded for it.” – Unknown
“Some people dream of success. Others wake up and go to work… I hit snooze.” – Unknown
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
“My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.” – Unknown
“Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.” – Unknown
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” – Don Herold
Relationships: The Comedy Goldmine
“Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” – Hussein Nishah
“Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?” – Unknown
“I’m dating a guy who’s old enough to be my father — but young enough to still text with two thumbs.” – Chelsea Handler
“The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.” – Gore Vidal
“Marriage is finding that one special person to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Unknown
“Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with a ghost.” – Unknown
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Unknown
“My husband thinks I’m crazy, but he’s the one who married me!” – Unknown
Adulting Is a Myth (And These Quotes Prove It)
“Adulthood is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane.” – Unknown
“Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.” – Unknown
“I have all the responsibilities of an adult and none of the fun.” – Unknown
“Nobody prepared me for the number of decisions I’d make every day as an adult.” – Unknown
“When I was a kid, I wanted to be older… this is not what I expected.” – Unknown
“I’m not an adult. I just play one in public.” – Unknown
“Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.” – Unknown
“Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.” – Unknown
“I thought growing up would mean I’d stop crying over dumb stuff. I was wrong.” – Unknown
“Welcome to adulthood: you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.” – Unknown
“I keep losing weight, but it keeps finding me again.” – Unknown
“It’s called ‘being an adult,’ and I’ve decided I don’t want to do it anymore.” – Unknown
“I’m at the age where I say, ‘I’m not doing that,’ and just… don’t.” – Unknown
“You know you’re an adult when your ‘wild night’ involves laundry and frozen pizza.” – Unknown
“I’m too old to be sent to my room, but too tired to leave it.” – Unknown
General Truths That Are Just Too Real
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
“Why be moody when you can shake your booty?” – Unknown
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing (Friends)
“You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you do for fun.” – Unknown
“I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.” – Unknown
“If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.” – Unknown
“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.” – Unknown
“If I were a superhero, my power would be napping in inconvenient places.” – Unknown
“I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
“My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.” – Unknown
“I wish everything was as easy as getting fat.” – Unknown
“There’s no ‘we’ in fries.” – Unknown
“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.” – Unknown
“I whisper ‘What the hell?’ to myself at least 20 times a day.” – Unknown
“I have a personality you can’t handle… unless there’s coffee.” – Unknown
Final Thoughts: If You Laughed, You’re Not Alone
That’s the wrap-up of 70 Funny True Quotes That Are Way Too Real. Finally you completed the list, and I hope you find something from the collection that feels relatable and laugh while reading it.
Which one of these hits way too close to home? Save this blog, pin it for later, and send it to a friend who needs a laugh!
