Let’s be honest- dogs are chaotic, pure and funny wrapped in fur. From their goofy expressions to their obsession with chasing every living being, dogs have some kind of ways that make our lives ten times better —and a little more fun. Here we’ve curated over 65 Funny Dog Quotes To Share
So, leash up your sense of humor, throw a metaphorical tennis ball, and let’s dive into the wonderfully ridiculous world of dog quotes!
Funny Dog Quotes for Every Canine Chaos Moment
“My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” — Elayne Boosler
“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mailman is not to be trusted.” — Sian Ford
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” — Rita Rudner
“If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?” — Unknown
“The dog lives for the day, the hour, even the moment.” — Robert Falcon Scott
“Handle every situation like a dog: If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” — Unknown
“Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take… I’ll be watching you.” — Dog Version of The Police
“If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.” — Unknown
“My dog thinks I’m a superhero. That’s a lot of pressure, honestly.” — Unknown
“Dog: the only creature on earth that loves you more than it loves itself… and cheese.” — Unknown
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. And slightly smellier.” — Roger Caras (with an edit!)
“Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.” — Kinky Friedman
“I asked my dog to fetch the newspaper, but I forgot we don’t subscribe to one. Now he just stares at me in disappointment.” — Unknown
“Beware of dog. He wants cuddles and snacks, but mostly snacks.” — Every Dog Ever
Quotes That’ll Make Every Dog Parent Say “Same”
“I work hard so my dog can have a better life.” — Unknown
“Home is where the dog hair sticks to everything… except the dog.” — Unknown
“I wonder what my dog named me.” — Unknown
“Dogs are like potato chips—you can’t have just one.” — Unknown
“My dog is not spoiled. I’m just well-trained.” — Unknown
“In dog years, I’m dead.” — Unknown
“You think I’m single? Please. I sleep with a 90-pound golden retriever every night.” — Unknown
“The more people I meet, the more I love my dog.” — Unknown
“Yes, I talk to my dog like he’s a human. Because he is.” — Unknown
“If my dog doesn’t like you, I probably won’t either.” — Unknown
“Sorry I’m late, my dog was being too cute and I had to sit there and stare at him.” — Unknown
“I’d rather be home with my dog than out pretending to enjoy social interaction.” — Unknown
“Some people wait a lifetime to meet their soulmate. I adopted mine from a shelter.” — Unknown
“They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can adopt a dog, and that’s pretty much the same thing.” — Unknown
“My dog has more Instagram followers than I do.” — Unknown
Dog Logic, Explained by… Well, Dogs
“Bark first, investigate later.” — Every Dog
“That suspicious leaf? I barked at it. You’re welcome.” — Unknown
“I didn’t bark because I was scared. I barked because… okay, yeah, I was scared.” — Small Dog Syndrome
“If you don’t throw the ball, why did you pick it up?” — Confused Dog Logic
“I sniffed it. I peed on it. It’s mine now.” — Dog Law
“I heard the doorbell. This is now a code red situation.” — Dog Panic Team
“I didn’t destroy the couch, it spontaneously exploded from love.” — Guilty Pup
“Sleep all day, zoomies at 3AM. That’s the schedule, hooman.” — Unknown
“I chew. Therefore, I am.” — Dogcarts
“If you’re eating it, it’s mine. If I’ve already licked it… it’s definitely mine.” — Unknown
“I also hate walks. I must bark now.” — Indecisive Doggo
“The vacuum cleaner is the devil.” — Every Dog, Ever
“You were gone for five minutes. I thought you died.” — Dramatic Dog
“Oh, you said ‘sit’? I thought you said ‘sprint at full speed into the glass door’.” — Clumsy Pup
“Hooman, I has eaten your favorite shoe. I regrets nothing.” — Sassy Pup
Celebrity Dog Quotes With a Comedic Bite
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” — Josh Billings
“Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell.” — Emily Dickinson
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” — Franklin P. Jones
“Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.” — Agatha Christie
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” — Aldous Huxley
“Happiness is a warm puppy.” — Charles M. Schulz
“If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” — Harry S. Truman
“A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.” — Barack Obama
“Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.” — Orhan Pamuk
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’” — Dave Barry
“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.” — Christopher Morley
“Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.” — Elizabeth Taylor
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” — Franklin P. Jones
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” — Charles de Gaulle
“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” — Marilyn Monroe
“I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.” — Gilda Radner
“If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” — Will Rogers
“When you feel lousy, puppy therapy is indicated.” — Sara Paretsky
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” — Roger Caras
Final Bark: Why Funny Dog Quotes Hit So Hard
At the end of the day, dogs remind us to be who we are and are wildly unapologetic about being who we are. Well, that’s the end of our collection of 65 Funny Dog Quotes To Share
You can text these to your dog parents, friends, or even use them in your dog’s next social media post (of course, your dog has an IG). And remember:
Dogs don’t care if you’re a hot mess—they just want to sit on your lap and steal your sandwich.
