Are you looking for ways to boost your mood for the day? Whether you’re fighting with the Monday morning, a long to-do list, or just want a reason to smile, this collection of 60+ Funny Quotes to Brighten Your Day will surely help you.
So read and laugh a bit this time.
Hilarious Quotes That Never Fail to Make You Smile
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
— Jim Carrey
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
— Dalai Lama
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
— Anonymous
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
— Phyllis Diller
“I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode.”
— Anonymous
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
— Steve Martin
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
— Benjamin Franklin
“Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.”
— Anonymous
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
— Charles Lamb
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”
— Will Rogers
“I know I’m a handful—but that’s why you’ve got two hands.”
— Anonymous
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
— Cathy Guisewite
“The early bird can have the worm, because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.”
— Anonymous
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
— Robin Williams
Witty One-Liners to Brighten Your Mood
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
— Anonymous
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
— Mallory Hopkins
“My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.”
— Anonymous
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
— Anonymous
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
— Chandler Bing (Friends)
“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
— Oscar Wilde
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
— Anonymous
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
— Anonymous
“I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.”
— Anonymous
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
— Steven Wright
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
— Tommy Cooper
“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
— Anonymous
“I put the ‘Pro’ in procrastinate.”
— Anonymous
“Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work out, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.”
— Anonymous
“Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.”
— Anonymous
Funny Quotes About Adulting
“Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.”
— Anonymous
“Some people age like fine wine. I age like milk—getting sour and chunky.”
— Anonymous
“Laundry: the never-ending story.”
— Anonymous
“Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.”
— Anonymous
“My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.”
— Anonymous
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
— Douglas Adams
“The worst part of adulting is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night… forever.”
— Anonymous
“Why yes, I do have a resting ‘I’m over it’ face.”
— Anonymous
“That horrifying moment when you’re looking for an adult but you realize you’re the adult.”
— Anonymous
“I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.”
— Anonymous
“You know you’re an adult when you get excited about a new sponge.”
— Anonymous
“Welcome to adulthood: you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.”
— Anonymous
“Cooking tip: If you accidentally spill wine on your roast, just drink the wine and order pizza.”
— Anonymous
“I cleaned my house. Someone should probably come over before I mess it up again.”
— Anonymous
“Being an adult is basically just googling how to do stuff.”
— Anonymous
Random Funny Quotes That’ll Catch You Off Guard
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes ever.”
— Anonymous
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.”
— Earl Wilson
“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”
— Anonymous
“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense.”
— W.C. Fields
“The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.”
— Anonymous
“I can resist everything except temptation.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
— James Marsden
“I dance because there’s no guarantee the world won’t end tomorrow.”
— Anonymous
“Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?”
— Anonymous
“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.”
— Elbert Hubbard
“I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.”
— Anonymous
“My brain has too many tabs open.”
— Anonymous
“Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!”
— Anonymous
“If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.”
— Anonymous
Final Chuckle: Life’s Better When You Laugh
We all know that life can sometimes be really serious and heavy. So whenever you need or see your friends trying to fight during the day, help them by sharing this or help yourself. That’s the wrap-up of our collection of 60+ Funny Quotes to Brighten Your Day
So bookmark this, come back whenever the world gets too much, and remember:
You’re only one quote away from a better mood.
