Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and if you’re tired of the same old “Roses are red, violets are blue” cards, you’re in the right place. Sometimes love is messy, awkward, or just plain hilarious—and your card should reflect that. Whether you’re single, taken, or somewhere in between, sarcastic Valentine’s Day cards are the perfect way to make someone laugh (or cringe). Here’s our collection of 55 sarcastic Valentine’s Day cards to share your every mood, personality, and level of commitment.
Funny & Lighthearted Sarcasm
“I love you more than Wi-Fi… and that’s saying a lot.” — Unknown
“You’re the peanut butter to my jelly. Sometimes sticky, sometimes nutty, always necessary.” — Hallmark
“Love is blind… but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Groucho Marx
“Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you… sometimes.” — Unknown
“I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” — Scott Adams
“You stole my heart, but I’ll let it slide because you also stole the last slice of pizza.” — Unknown
“Love is sharing your popcorn. True love is letting them eat the last piece.” — Unknown
“You had me at ‘Let’s get tacos.’” — Unknown
“I love you more than my morning coffee… and that’s terrifying.” — Unknown
“I promise to always be by your side. Or under you. Or on top… you know, love stuff.” — Unknown
“We go together like copy and paste.” — Unknown
“You make me smile… and occasionally roll my eyes.” — Unknown
“You’re my favorite notification.” — Unknown
“I love you even when you’re annoying. And you’re really annoying.” — Unknown
“I like you. You’re kind of alright.” — Unknown
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one’s for you.” — Unknown
“I love you more than Netflix. But don’t tell Netflix.” — Unknown
“I’m yours. No refunds.” — Unknown
Snarky & Straight-Up Sarcastic
“You complete me… like a Wi-Fi signal completing my day.” — Unknown
“I love you even when you leave the dishes in the sink.” — Unknown
“Thanks for being my unpaid therapist.” — Unknown
“Happy Valentine’s Day to someone who still hasn’t run away screaming.” — Unknown
“I love you more than pizza. There, I said it.” — Unknown
“You’re cute… for someone who steals the blankets.” — Unknown
“Love is blind. Marriage is a real eye-opener… again.” — Groucho Marx
“I’d say I love you to the moon and back, but you’d probably ask for a detailed travel itinerary.” — Unknown
“I love you… mostly for your snacks.” — Unknown
“You’re the reason I check my phone every 2 seconds.” — Unknown
“I love you, even though you smell in the morning.” — Unknown
“Thanks for being my unpaid Uber driver.” — Unknown
“You’re the reason I smile… and occasionally curse under my breath.” — Unknown
“Roses are red, violets are blue, being single was great… until I met you.” — Unknown
“I love you like a cat loves ignoring you.” — Unknown
“You’re my favorite mistake.” — Unknown
“I love you like my dog loves ignoring me when I call them.” — Unknown
“Thanks for being my emergency contact.” — Unknown
“I love you more than my Wi-Fi router loves buffering.” — Unknown
Dark & Extra Sarcastic
“You’re my favorite person to tolerate.” — Unknown
“Love is sharing your password… and regretting it later.” — Unknown
“I love you more than chocolate, but let’s not test that theory.” — Unknown
“Thanks for being slightly less terrible than everyone else.” — Unknown
“You’re the reason I check my calendar twice a day.” — Unknown
“I love you even when you steal the blankets… again.” — Unknown
“Happy Valentine’s Day to the person who still hasn’t returned my hoodie.” — Unknown
“I tolerate you more than anyone else.” — Unknown
“You’re the only person I’d share my fries with… maybe.” — Unknown
“I love you enough to ignore your snoring.” — Unknown
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m mediocre, and so are you.” — Unknown
“You’re the best mistake I ever made… so far.” — Unknown
“I love you… for now.” — Unknown
“Thanks for not being a total disaster… mostly.” — Unknown
“You make me happy… in small doses.” — Unknown
“I love you even when you’re unbearable.” — Unknown
“You’re my favorite pain in the butt.” — Unknown
“Happy Valentine’s Day! Now back to pretending we like each other.” — Unknown
Final Thoughts
That’s the end of our collection of 55 sarcastic Valentine’s Day cards. This collection isn’t just funny – they’re acting as a reminder that love doesn’t have to be serious, cliche, or a perfect one. There are a couple of quotes that are perfect for a couple who enjoy and thrive in their relationship on humor, friends who secretly have a crush on each other.
So this Valentine’s Day, skip the boring, predictable cards and embrace the hilarious, sarcastic, slightly rude side of love. Because if love doesn’t make you laugh, are you even doing it right?
