We don’t need to always be serious about our life or our goals, sometimes we all need something or some words to entertain ourselves. So if you’re trying to smile a bit or entertain your day, read this collection of 50+ Funny Quotes to Keep You Entertained. Let’s dive in!
Classic Funny Quotes That Always Hit the Mark
“I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode.” — Anonymous
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” — Steven Wright
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Anonymous
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne (via Winnie the Pooh)
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Mallory Hopkins
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” — Anonymous
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” — Earl Wilson
Funny Quotes About Work (Because We’re All Faking It)
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.” — Anonymous
“The best part about going to work is coming back home and realizing you didn’t actually quit.” — Anonymous
“Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks.” — Ricky Gervais
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis
Funny Quotes About Being an Adult (Barely)
Adulthood is a scam. But at least it’s a hilarious one.
“Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.” — Anonymous
“Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.” — Anonymous
“I wish there was a way to donate fat like you donate blood.” — Anonymous
“My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.” — Anonymous
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!” — Anonymous
“I’m not adulting today. Please don’t make me adult.” — Anonymous
“Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.” — Anonymous
“Why is Monday so far from Friday but Friday so close to Monday?” — Anonymous
Food, Sleep, and Other Hilariously Relatable Obsessions
“I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.” — Anonymous
“I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.” — Anonymous
“There is no ‘we’ in pizza.” — Anonymous
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” — Anonymous
“Sleep is my drug—my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.” — Anonymous
“The only thing I exercise is my right to eat more tacos.” — Anonymous
Funny Quotes About Relationships (That Might Be Too Real)
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
“Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — Albert Einstein
Random Funny Quotes That Just Make Sense
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Anonymous
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” — Patrick Murray
“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.” — Stewart Francis
“Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.” — Anonymous
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.” — Derek Bok
“There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.” — Goldie Hawn
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
“I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop crashing.” — Anonymous
Just One-Liners for the Road
“Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.” — Anonymous
“If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” — Anonymous
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
Final Laugh: Life’s Better When You Laugh Loudly
So there you have it—50+ funny quotes to keep you entertained when your life’s being a little too much. Save this post for later use, and don’t forget that laughter is the best free therapy that we can get out there!
