If Christmas has ever made you feel like working your ass off, resisting the urge to eat cookies for dinner, and pretending that you’re happy, not stressed, trust me, you’re not alone at all. Christmas is indeed a special moment, but it’s also a chaotic, sparkly, loud and messy. In this post, we’ve collected 45 funny Christmas quotes to laugh this month.
Let’s grab a coffee and explore these moments.
45 Funny Christmas Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Through December
Funny Christmas Quotes About Holiday Stress
“Christmas is a baby shower that went overboard.” — Andy Borowitz
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“One thing I love about Christmas music is that it has a shelf life of about a month.” — Michael Strahan
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple
“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” — Phyllis Diller
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note saying, ‘Toys not included.’” — Bernard Manning
“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men.” — Jay Leno
Funny Christmas Quotes About Food (because December = snacks)
“Calories don’t count at Christmas.” — Unknown
“My favorite part of the holiday season is the empty calories.” — Unknown
“Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.” — Mo Rocca
“’Tis the season to eat all the cookies.” — Unknown
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” — Unknown
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” — Unknown
Funny Quotes About Santa Claus (the star of December)
“Dear Santa, define ‘good.’” — Unknown
“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home. Merry Christmas!” — Unknown
“Christmas: the time when everyone gets Santamental.” — Unknown
“Dear Santa, I can explain…” — Unknown
“Santa Claus wears a red suit, he must be a communist. And a fat one at that.” — Jack Handey
“All I want for Christmas is for someone else to do the dishes.” — Unknown
“Santa has the right idea — keep a list of who’s naughty and nice. Actually, that sounds exhausting.” — Unknown
“I believe in Santa. Not because I’m childish, but because I’m hungry and he brings snacks.” — Unknown
Funny Christmas Quotes About Family Gatherings
“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched my money magically disappear.” — Unknown
“Christmas: where you can say everything you want through greeting cards instead of actually talking to people.” — Unknown
“My family: We can’t even agree on pizza toppings, but somehow we’re all supposed to decorate a tree together.” — Unknown
“Hope you love the present you told me to buy for you.” — Unknown
“Holiday family gatherings: where the WiFi is weak but the opinions are strong.” — Unknown
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is… by staying at least 3 feet away from relatives who ask too many questions.” — Inspired by Elf
“I love Christmas. I just don’t love the chaos, noise, or people part.” — Unknown
“Christmas sweaters: proof that humans will do anything in the name of holiday spirit.” — Unknown
Funny Christmas Quotes That Are Just Plain Hilarious
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” — Unknown
“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included.” — Unknown
“It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” — Unknown
“Dear Santa, please text me. I need to update my list.” — Unknown
“The only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.” — Unknown
“I love Christmas. But not snow. Or wrapping gifts. Or crowds. But otherwise, yay Christmas!” — Unknown
“Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. When your child misbehaves, throw one in the fireplace.” — Unknown
“My Christmas spirit is strong… but my budget is weak.” — Unknown
“Christmas shopping is easy. It’s like shopping on any other day except the mall is filled with people who forgot deodorant.” — Unknown
“We celebrate Christmas with presents because we don’t know how to spell ‘presence.’” — Unknown
Final Thoughts: Laugh Your Way Through December
That’s the wrap-up of our collection of 45 Funny Christmas Quotes To Laugh This Christmas. The holidays don’t have to be always perfect, your gifts don’t have to be good, the trees can be crooked, and the cookies can be burnt. What really matters is the joy and moments that you create.
So go ahead — share them, save them, pin them, and spread the holiday giggles!
