Let’s face it- dating is such a wild ride these days. From ghosting to reacting to posts each other without talking, love in the digital world is more hilarious than ever. Now, whether you’re in love or happily single or searching for someone on dating apps, I hope these 160 Hilarious Quotes About Awkward First Dates make you laugh.
Funny Quotes About Modern Love
“Love is being stupid together.” —Paul Valéry
“Marriage is just texting each other ‘Do we need anything from the store?’ until one of you dies.” —@momtruths
“I love you more than WiFi, and that says a lot.” —Unknown
“Love is telling someone their snoring sounds like a dying walrus… and still staying.” —Unknown
“Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat.” —Unknown
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” —Carroll Bryant
“I love you enough to share my fries. But not the last one.” —Modern Romance Code
“Love is shouting ‘What?’ from another room until your partner gives up.” —@couplescomedy
“Falling in love is easy. Staying in love after seeing how they load the dishwasher? That’s the real test.” —@marriedlife
“You know it’s love when you let them eat off your plate… and you don’t kill them.” —@snackpartner
“Love is weird. You pick a human and you’re like, ‘Yep, this is the one I want to watch TV with forever.’” —@comedycouples
“I love you even when you’re WiFi is slow and your opinions are wrong.” —@relatablelove
“Love is realizing they’re the one… right after they bring you tacos.” —@tacobae
“True love is watching four seasons of a show you hate just to spend time together.” —Unknown
“Love is letting them be the little spoon even when you’re also the little spoon.” —@tinyspoonlove
“They had me at ‘I have snacks.’” —@snackcompatibility
“Love means never having to say ‘I’m sorry’ for eating the last cookie… but doing it anyway.” —@cookieconflict
“I knew it was real when they didn’t flinch at my skincare routine.” —@sheetmaskromance
“If you find someone who doesn’t judge your Google search history—marry them.” —@searchbarsecrets
“Love is making it through IKEA without breaking up.” —@relationshipolympics
Quotes That Sum Up Texting in Relationships
“Why say how you feel when you can just passively-aggressively like their message?” —@textvibes
“His three-dot typing bubble gives me more anxiety than my credit card bill.” —@modernromanceproblems
“She said she was ‘fine.’ I’m scared now.” —@textingtruths
“When you left me on read, I left you in my prayers.” —Unknown
“Every ‘lol’ you send is one step further from actual laughter.” —@irlfeels
“I didn’t double-text, I just sent a follow-up because I care… and I’m a little crazy.” —@clingyvibes
“If you really loved me, you’d reply within 0.2 seconds.” —@textinglogic
“Couples who text all day but still have nothing to say at dinner—iconic.” —@dateburn
“Nothing gets the heart racing like a ‘Can we talk?’ text.” —@panicmood
“He texts ‘wyd’ and I reply with my entire weekly schedule. He says ‘cool.’” —@overthinker
“I don’t ghost people, I just accidentally forget to reply for 6-8 business days.” —@passivephantom
“We flirted, we texted, and now we ignore each other forever. The modern love story.” —@romanceszn
“Auto-correct ships me with the wrong person every time.” —@textfailstories
“The ‘sorry, I fell asleep’ text is the adult version of ‘my dog ate my homework.’” —@latenightlies
“We used to text paragraphs. Now we just react to each other’s memes.” —@loveintheliked
“I saw you typing. Then you stopped. Now I have trust issues.” —@textanxiety
“He said ‘TTYL’… It’s been 4 years.” —@ghostedby99
“I don’t send drunk texts—I send emotional essays with citations.” —@tequilatruths
“True love is when they send you a TikTok you were already thinking about.” —@foruconnection
“My toxic trait is thinking every notification is from you.” —@textaddict
Swiping Left Never Felt So Funny
“Dating apps: where ‘looking for something real’ means they’ll ghost you in 3-5 business days.” —@realdatingdrama
“I swipe based on pet photos and proper grammar. Standards.” —@grammarbae
“Online dating: because actually meeting people is scary.” —@digitalromance
“Hinge said he was ‘most compatible’ with me. So I sued them for emotional damage.” —@techbetrayal
“His profile said ‘entrepreneur’—but he sold rocks on Etsy.” —@swipefail
“I matched with my ex’s cousin. Family reunions will be fun.” —@swipekarma
“Dating apps are like thrift stores. You dig through a lot of weird stuff for one decent find.” —@prelovedlove
“If I wanted to be judged on my photos, I’d ask my mom to pick her favorite grandkid.” —@filterfiasco
“He looked better in pixels.” —@catfishedagain
“I didn’t find love, but I did find great meme accounts through dating app bios.” —@silverlining
“He was cute until he said his favorite movie was ‘Fight Club’ and he lives by it.” —@redflagsarefun
“My love life is sponsored by the ‘Oops, I swiped right’ foundation.” —@clumsydater
“Why does every guy think holding a fish is a personality?” —@reeldatingproblems
“Swiping has become cardio. My thumb is jacked.” —@fitfromdating
“Her bio said ‘not here for hookups’ but her location was 0.1 miles away.” —@mixedsignals
“Matched, chatted, never met. Story of 2025.” —@digitalromantic
“Every date is a gamble. Most are like betting on a horse with three legs.” —@datesanddisasters
“Still single because I judge based on music taste and astrology sign.” —@piscesproblems
“He unmatched me after I beat him in Wordle. Coward.” —@nerdlovefail
“Online dating: where red flags come in HD.” —@flagspotter
Awkward First Date Quotes That Are Too Real
“He said ‘make yourself at home’—so I left.”
—@accidentaldater
“She asked me my star sign, then told me it wasn’t going to work.”
—@astrologytrauma
“First dates should come with a trailer so I know if I want to sit through the full thing.”
—@previewplease
“I brought my sparkling personality. He brought a Groupon.”
—@discountromance
“She showed up with her emotional support friend. I showed up with social anxiety.”
—@thirdwheelchronicles
“We bonded over our mutual hatred of dating.”
—@ironyinlove
“The spark was there—between his fork and the electrical outlet.”
—@disasterdates
“He told me he lives with his parents. I told him I left the oven on.”
—@fastescape
“It wasn’t love at first sight, it was ‘please don’t let this be a murder mystery.’”
—@truestorykinda
“We ran out of things to say five minutes in. So we just stared at the menu for an hour.”
—@silentsuffering
“I judge a date by whether I had to fake laugh less than five times.” —@snarkymatch
“If I say ‘We should do this again,’ just know I’m lying.” —@awkwardandproud
“Dinner dates are cool until the check arrives and suddenly we’re both actors in a western standoff.” —@datenightfail
“He said he liked long walks. Then proceeded to walk me straight to therapy.” —@text_me_never
“First date tip: Don’t bring your ex’s hoodie. Or your ex.” —@chaoticloveclub
“You ever go on a first date and immediately wish you were just at home with pizza?” —@truthhurts
“My first date checklist: wallet, mints, and an escape plan.” —@introvertproblems
“I knew it wasn’t gonna work when he asked me to split the appetizer.” —@datingetiquette
“He showed up in crocs. My soul left my body.” —@fashionandfeelings
“We made eye contact. Then I made my exit.” —@datelikeaghost
Hilarious Quotes About Love Gone Wrong
“I miss you like I miss dial-up internet: not at all.”
—@glowupseason
“He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Two weeks later he was married. To someone else.”
—@plot_twist101
“I gave him my heart. He gave it back, but it was out of warranty.”
—@returntolover
“She said it wasn’t me, it was her. But it was definitely me.”
—@ouchthathurt
“I finally found closure—when he posted his new girlfriend.”
—@scrollingandcrying
“Breaking up was mutual. I broke up, and he agreed.”
—@nodramaallowed
“He said he loved me for who I was. Then tried to change everything about me.”
—@toxicvibesonly
“We had chemistry. Unfortunately, it was the explosive kind.”
—@chaosandcuddles
“It wasn’t a red flag—it was a whole parade.”
—@redflagseason
“She said I was too intense. I said I was just passionate about not being ignored.”
—@textsleftonread
“I thought I was in a love story. Turns out, it was a plot twist.” —@toxicandthriving
“Love is blind. Especially to red flags.” —@lovecoachfail
“We broke up over personality differences. I had one, he didn’t.” —@savagequotesdaily
“He ghosted me, so I ghosted his Netflix account.” —@revengewithstyle
“My ex and I are on good terms—if you consider mutual stalking ‘good.’” —@noshaminghere
“Love is patient, love is kind, love also drives you to screenshot everything for your group chat.” —@modernromance
“We were like Romeo and Juliet… except both of us survived and now avoid each other at Starbucks.” —@dramaanddonuts
“Exes are like songs you used to love until you listened to the lyrics.” —@nostalgiaisalie
“I thought we had potential. He thought I was too emotional. I cried. He ghosted.” —@laughingthrutears
“Love hurts. So do breakups. So do the heels I wore to impress him.” —@heelfail
Relationship Quotes That’ll Make You Chuckle
“Our couple’s workout is arguing while assembling IKEA furniture.”
—@relationshipgains
“Love means never having to say, ‘Stop using my razor.’”
—@sharedlifeproblems
“I knew it was real when we both deleted our dating apps and redownloaded DoorDash.”
—@comfortovercommitment
“We complete each other—he’s the chaos, I’m the list.”
—@plannerinlove
“My partner’s idea of romance is making coffee before I wake up. Honestly? It works.”
—@caffeineislove
“We talk about everything—except what we want for dinner.”
—@menuofmayhem
“He’s my rock. Mostly because he’s impossible to move during football season.”
—@couchloveclub
“We may not agree on politics, but we agree that pineapple on pizza is a crime.”
—@tastebudstrue
“Our love story is sponsored by snacks, sarcasm, and shared passwords.”
—@romanceonwifi
“She finishes my sentences. Usually with her version.”
—@correctedagain
“You call it clingy. I call it deeply interested.” —@needybutcute
“I love you even when you steal the blankets.” —@snugglewarfare
“Every couple fights. We just do it in memes and passive-aggressive playlists.” —@spotifyshade
“I’d take a bullet for you. Unless it’s before coffee.” —@relationshiplogic
“Our love language is arguing about where to eat.” —@dinnerdebates
“He proposed. I said yes. To the dog he brought with him.” —@puppyoverpeople
“True love is yelling ‘WHAT?’ from another room until one of us gives up.” —@marriedandtired
“My partner completes me. Mostly by finishing my snacks.” —@relationshipsnacks
“We don’t need couples therapy. We need Netflix to stop asking if we’re still watching.” —@bingeandbond
“Love is being okay with sharing fries. That’s deep.” —@romanticfoodie
One-Liners That Nail Dating in 2025
“Swipe, match, ghost—repeat.”
—@tiredofthisapp
“Dating is just interviewing for the role of ‘person I complain to forever.’”
—@hrforlove
“My relationship status: Waiting for snacks and attention.”
—@hangryandhorny
“Love is a battlefield. Mine’s a group chat.”
—@textingtruth
“He said I was too much. I said, ‘Correct.’”
—@ownyourcrazy
“Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?”
—@napovernaps
“He had me at ‘I brought food.’”
—@snackfirstquestionslater
“I matched with a guy. Now I’m in witness protection.”
—@swipeflee
“Dating tip: Ask his credit score before his star sign.”
—@astrologyisfinebut
“All I want is someone who texts back in under 30 seconds and never uses ‘lol’ sarcastically.”
—@toomuchtoask?
“We matched. Then he unmatched. Romance is alive and unwell.”
—@digitalromancefail
“Modern dating is just therapy homework in disguise.”
—@sendhelpandwine
“Her bio said ‘spiritual.’ Turns out she meant ghosting.”
—@ghostergeist
“He said he’s ‘not like other guys’—and then proved he absolutely is.”
—@copy_paste_boy
“I’m not single, I’m in a long-distance relationship with hope.”
—@hopeisonread
“All I want is chemistry and Wi-Fi that doesn’t drop during FaceTime.”
—@modernstandards
“Tired of situationships. Applying for real ones with benefits and snacks.”
—@benefitsincluded
“In 2025, flirting is just reacting to stories with fire emojis.”
—@socialmediaseduction
“His idea of deep conversation was sending me a TikTok at 2 a.m.”
—@bareminimumbanter
“I said I’m emotionally stable. That was the first lie of the date.”
—@truthoptional
More Quotes That Hit Too Close to Home
“I don’t chase people. I trip them and demand answers.”
—@chaoticneutral
“My type? Emotionally available and mildly obsessed with me.”
—@bareminimumqueen
“He said he needed space. So I gave him the galaxy.”
—@astrobreakup
“You can’t hurry love. But you can fast-forward through a boring date.”
—@timemanagement
“Relationship goal: laugh until we cry over stupid things and forget to be mad.”
—@laughingcouples
“I like long walks… away from anything complicated.”
—@avoidantvibes
“He was a 10 but used ‘u’ instead of ‘you.’ Now he’s a zero.”
—@grammaroverglamour
“Text me when you grow up. Or grow facial hair.”
—@pettyyetpowerful
“I fell for him. Then I tripped over my standards.”
—@standardsarelow
“If he wanted to, he would. Unless he’s a Pisces.”
—@zodiaczingers
“I’m not high maintenance, I’m just aware of my worth and slightly dramatic.”
—@knowyourvalue
“He didn’t give me butterflies—more like a vague sense of unease.”
—@gutfeelingneverlies
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m the red flag… then I remember I’m adorable.”
—@chaoticcutie
“You can’t break my heart, but you can mess up my dinner plans.”
—@prioritiescheck
“They say love finds you when you’re not looking. I’ve been aggressively not looking.”
—@peekaboolove
“I heal through memes and pretending I’m over it.”
—@repressedbutfunny
“If my standards get any lower, I’ll be dating under the bed.”
—@dustbunnylove
“Emotionally unavailable? Say less. Literally, say nothing. You already do.”
—@textbackchallenge
“If being too much is a crime, I’m serving life.”
—@highvolumeenergy
“Dating me is like joining a group project—equal parts chaos and brilliance.”
—@teamworkmaybe
Final Thoughts: Keep Swiping, Keep Laughing
Hope this collection makes you laugh for at least a moment. That’s the end of our collection of 160 hilarious quotes about awkward first dates. And don’t forget that you’re not alone in this wild ride of dating in the digital age.
Which quote was your favorite? Drop it in the comments and share this post with someone who needs a laugh about love today!
