We all know that the first love often feels awkward, hilarious, and sometimes a complete disaster. We’ve all had fa air share of cringeworthy experiences in dating moments, and we don’t have to feel regret for it. Sometimes we can all make a joke about it. So read 150 Funny Quotes about Disastrous First Dates.
Let’s dive in!
When the Date Was a Total Trainwreck
“I once went on a date so bad, the waiter asked if we were okay. Twice.” — Unknown
“She said she was a ‘good listener.’ Then talked about her ex for 45 minutes straight.” — @ModernDatingProblems
“I pretended to choke just to end the date early. It worked too well.” — Reddit user
“We both reached for the check. He handed it to me.” — @awkwardlovequotes
“She brought her emotional support ferret. No warning. Just, boom—ferret.” — Unknown
“He said he was ‘into crime.’ Turns out he meant committing it.” — Twitter user
“She ghosted me mid-date. Literally went to the bathroom and never came back.” — Unknown
“He ordered for me. Said I ‘looked like a salad person.’” — @FirstDateFails
“I said I was a Scorpio and he left. Didn’t even pay for his drink.” — @zodiacfail
“We went bowling. He wore Crocs. That’s the tweet.” — Unknown
“She showed up with a PowerPoint about why her ex was wrong.” — @yikesdates
“He brought a guitar and serenaded me… in a Starbucks. People clapped. I died inside.” — TikTok user
“He told me he doesn’t believe in chairs. We sat on the floor.” — Unknown
“She said she loved animals, then ordered veal. I’m still confused.” — Reddit user
“He said his therapist told him to start dating. I was date #1.” — @singleaf
“I thought we were meeting for coffee. He brought his pastor.” — Unknown
“She kept calling me by her ex’s name. Then said, ‘Whatever, same vibe.’” — Twitter user
Pro Tip: Always Have an Escape Plan
“My friend texted ‘emergency!’ so I could leave. Ten minutes later, she showed up with popcorn to watch the disaster unfold.” — @bestfriendgoals
“He asked if I was ‘fertile.’ Sir, I just wanted tacos.” — TikTok user
“We went for a walk. He brought his mom.” — @datingsurvivor
“She made me split a $4 coffee. Then drank both halves.” — Unknown
“I asked about his hobbies. He said, ‘vigilante justice.’” — Reddit
“She said, ‘You remind me of my dad.’ I am not emotionally prepared for that.” — Twitter user
“He showed me his knife collection… at the salad bar.” — @awkwardencounters
“We hadn’t even ordered and he asked if I believe in soul contracts.” — TikTok user
“He said ‘you’re prettier than my cousin,’ and I didn’t stick around to ask for context.” — Reddit
“She ‘forgot’ her wallet. Then ordered lobster.” — @dinnerdisasters
“His dating profile said ‘tall.’ He brought stilts. I can’t make this up.” — Unknown
“She made me take a compatibility quiz. Scored a 14%. She cried.” — @datenightfails
“I used the ‘emergency call’ trick. He asked if he could talk to my friend too.” — Twitter user
“She whispered, ‘You’re gonna be my husband,’ before appetizers.” — Reddit
“He offered to pray over the meal. Then over me. Then over our future kids.” — Unknown
“She said she was a minimalist and refused to use chairs, cutlery, or the menu.” — @firstdatefails
“I faked an allergy just to get out early. The waiter called an ambulance.” — Reddit user
When the Date Went from 0 to WTF
“She showed me her vision board. I was on it. We had just met.” — Twitter
“He tried to kiss me with a mouthful of nachos. Romantic.” — Unknown
“He brought his guitar and serenaded the entire Starbucks. People clapped. I wept.” — @FirstDateNightmare
“She said ‘I love you’ before the appetizer.” — Reddit
“I said I was allergic to peanuts. He said, ‘Let’s test that.’” — Unknown
“We played 20 Questions. All 20 were about my ex.” — @datingfailsdaily
“He wore a cape. Like, a superhero cape. On purpose.” — Unknown
“She asked me to Venmo her for gas. Mid-date.” — @awkwarddates
“He showed me a PowerPoint about why he’s single. Slide 6 was just the word ‘vibes.’” — TikTok
“I got in his car. It smelled like regret and old McNuggets.” — Twitter
“She asked if I was ready to meet her dog… spiritually. Not physically.” — Reddit
“He said his last three exes were ‘missing.’ He laughed. I didn’t.” — Unknown
“She wore a wedding dress. Said it was a vision board exercise.” — @firstdatehorrors
“He called his mom during dinner to rate me. She gave me a 6.” — Twitter
“She brought tarot cards and said we had ‘past life beef.’” — @witchdateproblems
“He brought a puppet. The puppet ordered for us. I’m not okay.” — Reddit
“She told the waiter we were celebrating our anniversary. We matched 2 hours ago.” — TikTok
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up. Or Maybe You Can?
“She insisted on holding eye contact while she ate soup. Slurped the whole time.” — @soupdisaster
“We were at a sushi place. He asked for a cheeseburger. Repeatedly.” — Unknown
“He said he was a ‘certified cuddler.’ I ran.” — Reddit
“She called me the wrong name. Repeatedly. I corrected her. She said, ‘Nah, I like Brian better.’” — @whoisbrian
“She asked me if I wanted kids. I said maybe. She said she already picked their names.” — Twitter
“He said he’s ‘emotionally unemployed.’ I believe him.” — TikTok
“She said she only dates Virgos. I’m a Libra. She left.” — @zodiacgate
“He asked to split the check. Then said, ‘Actually, I forgot my wallet.’” — Reddit
“She told me she was psychic. Then predicted I’d be alone forever.” — Unknown
“He made me take a love language quiz mid-salad.” — @quizqueen
“She brought her cat. In a stroller. To a steakhouse.” — Twitter
“He said, ‘You remind me of my sister.’ I said, ‘Gotta go.’” — Reddit
“She kept quoting Twilight. Unironically.” — @sparkledisaster
“He showed up in cosplay. For a date at Chili’s.” — Unknown
“She said I looked like her favorite serial killer. That was not the compliment she thought it was.” — @crimedate
“He tried to freestyle rap our dinner conversation. It rhymed but it hurt.” — TikTok user
“She told me this was a ‘practice date’ for someone else. I was the warm-up act.” — Reddit
Some Dates Come with Warning Labels
“He told me on the first date that he was still in love with his ex. Bold strategy.” — @RedFlagCity
“She said she didn’t believe in ‘western medicine.’ We were at a pharmacy.” — Reddit
“He said astrology was fake. Then asked what time I was born ‘just in case.’” — Unknown
“She showed up with her tarot cards and did a reading about our ‘future divorce.’” — @spiritualchaos
“He said he was an entrepreneur. Turns out he sold used socks on Etsy.” — TikTok
“I asked what he did for fun. He said, ‘Start drama in group chats.’” — Unknown
“She brought her cat. In a baby stroller. To dinner.” — @weirdflex
“He said he’d forgotten his wallet. Then ordered lobster.” — Reddit
“She asked if I could give her a ride to her current boyfriend’s house after.” — Twitter
“He said he was ‘between jobs.’ He meant since 2018.” — @datingburnbook
“She told me her love language was ‘passive aggression.’” — Unknown
“He wore socks with sandals and said it was ‘fashion.’” — @stylecringe
“She said, ‘I don’t do hobbies.’ Then spent two hours talking about her conspiracy theories.” — Reddit
“He asked if I was ‘vaccine hesitant’ before I even ordered a drink.” — Twitter
“She told me she was ‘emotionally unavailable’ and proud of it.” — Unknown
“He brought his ex’s favorite candle and lit it mid-date.” — TikTok
“She told me she’s ‘on a journey to find herself’ and it started with ghosting everyone.” — @spiritualmess
Honorable Mention for “Yikes” Behavior
“He said he liked a girl who could ‘eat.’ Then mocked my order.” — Unknown
“She asked if I wanted to see her collection of bones. I did not.” — Reddit
“He introduced himself with, ‘Don’t Google me.’ So I did.” — Twitter
“She made me FaceTime her therapist to prove I was real.” — @drphilwho
“He insisted on a handshake at the end. Said ‘professional boundaries.’” — Unknown
“She showed me her extensive sock puppet collection. No explanation given.” — Reddit
“He said, ‘I’m basically vegan,’ then ordered three steaks.” — @foodconfused
“She interrupted me mid-sentence to talk about her ex. For an hour.” — Twitter
“He asked if I wanted to join his pyramid scheme.” — Unknown
“She chewed loudly and told me it was ‘part of the experience.’” — Reddit
“He showed up wearing a ‘single and ready to mingle’ sash.” — TikTok
“She laughed at her own jokes… for 45 minutes straight.” — @funnyfail
“He corrected my pronunciation of ‘gif.’ Twice.” — Twitter
“She ordered two appetizers, ate none, and asked me to pay.” — Unknown
“He claimed he was ‘emotionally fluent’ but cried when I asked about his favorite movie.” — Reddit
“She called her ex mid-date… twice.” — @ghostingtales
“He told me he’s ‘just here for the free food.’” — Unknown
Too Awkward to Recover
“She said ‘bless you’ before I sneezed. Psychic or creepy?” — Unknown
“He high-fived me after I said my parents were divorced.” — @awkwardAF
“She said, ‘You look better in pictures.’ Thanks?” — Reddit
“He winked after every sentence. Every. Sentence.” — @blinkonceifyouneedhelp
“I asked about his favorite book. He said ‘menu.’” — Unknown
“We did an escape room. He gave up immediately and sat in the corner.” — TikTok
“She brought a resume. For me.” — @overachieverdate
“He ordered food for us both… then ate mine too.” — Reddit
“I asked what her dealbreakers were. She said, ‘Breathing.’” — Unknown
“She said she didn’t like my vibe. I hadn’t said a word yet.” — Twitter
“He talked about his ex so much, I forgot my own name.” — @datingshame
“She brought a life-size cutout of her crush. No explanation.” — Reddit
“He tried to do a magic trick. Ended up breaking the table.” — @magicfail
“She asked if I wanted to ‘play a game.’ It was just Monopoly. We fought.” — Twitter
“He asked if I was single because I ‘looked like a heartbreaker.’” — Unknown
“She made me write a pros and cons list about her. On the spot.” — Reddit
“He said, ‘Let’s make this quick, I have plans with my mom.’” — @quickexit
When It’s So Bad, It’s Actually Funny
“We matched on a dating app. He said he forgot. Like, forgot he had a date. While sitting across from me.” — @datingshock
“She did a TikTok dance mid-convo. Didn’t explain. Just did it.” — Unknown
“He told the waiter it was our anniversary. For the discount.” — Reddit
“She kept saying, we’ll tell our kids this story.’ No we won’t, Susan.” — @runawaydate
“He whispered ‘plot twist’ every time he told a story.” — Unknown
“She brought matching shirts for us. I wore mine. I regret it.” — Twitter
“He asked me to rate his abs before dinner. One star.” — @fitfail
“I said I was vegetarian. He said, ‘Cool. I’ll eat double the meat.’” — Reddit
“She played an audio of her ex crying. For fun.” — Unknown
“He made me watch his vlog. All 24 minutes of it.” — @influencerfails
“She said, ‘Let’s be weird together.’ She wasn’t kidding.” — Reddit
“He told me his spirit animal was a sloth. I didn’t know what to say.” — @spiritfail
“She insisted we take couple selfies. I’m single.” — Twitter
“He ordered dessert for himself, then ate mine too. Twice.” — Unknown
“She said she ‘doesn’t do drama’ — then screamed at the waiter.” — Reddit
“He gave me a mixtape. It was all his old voicemail messages.” — @90sromancefail
“She said, ‘You’re just like my ex!’ Not sure if compliment or warning.” — Twitter
Run. Just Run.
“I faked a phone call. He offered to answer it for me.” — @helpmedate
“She asked if I’d ever been in jail. Then said, ‘Cool, I have a great lawyer.’” — Reddit
“He took me to his ex’s workplace. To ‘make her jealous.’” — Twitter
“She said she ‘wasn’t like other girls.’ Then listed every stereotype.” — @datedownhill
“He showed me his prison tattoo and said, ‘I’ll explain later.’” — Unknown
“I said I didn’t want dessert. He took that personally.” — TikTok
“She said, ‘You remind me of my dad.’ Twice. I checked out emotionally.” — Reddit
“He winked at the waitress. In front of me. Three times.” — @badidea
“I said I liked dogs. She pulled out her phone and showed me 87 pictures of her pug. None in focus.” — Unknown
“We were 20 minutes into the date when he asked if I had a ‘backup plan for the apocalypse.’” — Twitter
“She brought a selfie stick… and kept taking photos of herself.” — @daterejects
“He asked if I believed in aliens. Then said, ‘Because I’m one.’” — Reddit
“She talked about her ‘spirit animal’ so much, I started to question my own.” — Twitter
“He said, ‘I’m a good listener’ — then spent the whole time talking about his fantasy football league.” — Unknown
“She told me she was ‘too busy for a relationship’… then posted couple pics all night.” — @mixedsignals
“He said he was ‘just here for the snacks.’ I did not appreciate that.” — Reddit
“She checked her phone every 2 minutes… and I wasn’t even interesting.” — Twitter
The Bright Side? At Least You Got a Story
Well, that’s the end of today’s first date. Hope you experience something from this blog that you can laugh about your dating experience. Don’t forget to save this 150 Funny Quotes about Disastrous First Dates and share with someone. In case you’re reading this before a date, come back, we’re waiting for you!
